Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
