and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
