The maid of honor just puked.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
from now on my penis is your penis
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
