It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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