I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
