OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
