I skipped work to stalk him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
