remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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