I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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