What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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