i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
