I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
