you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
