so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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