i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize