Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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