I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
