he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
