If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
