U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
