shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
