Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
