ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
