You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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