I hate all girls vehemently.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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