Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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