there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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