I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
