why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
