I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
