I puked a lego.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
