I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
