I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
