If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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