He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
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they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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