I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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