You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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