so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
