my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
