The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
