do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
