And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
