Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
