I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
