I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Mom said you looked used
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
