No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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