Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
