I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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