im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
