i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
farters have to be the big spoon...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
