i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
