lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
