Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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