I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
