I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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