Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
