Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
