I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
