You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
