I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
