Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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