I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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