Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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