What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize