got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
