so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
